Dr. Esther Lee is a bilingual writer in both English and Chinese. She has published eight books, several newspaper/magazine columns, and nearly 100 professional journal articles. She occasionally wrote opinion pieces for newspapers on special issues. In this folder, only samples of her writings are included. The English edition was translated by Mary Lin of FL, USA.
作者簡介 in 2002
李恕信
李恕信博士现任阿拉巴马州首府Troy蒙哥 马利州立大学研究院院长，是《亲子交流》影集製作人， 也是中英文专栏作家。近三十年来以热心服务之态度及卓越的贡献活跃于美国政坛和教育界，她的奉献与付出赢得朝野人士一致讚誉与尊敬，并被列入众多美国名人 录中。
李博士历任政府和民间重要职务并荣获多项奖章。1978年获美国杰出青年妇女奖章，1982年获美国雷根总统成就奖。 1987-1990年间被美国国会任命为国际移民和经济发展委员会委员，随后被美国布希总统任命为美国联邦教育部副司长及傅尔布莱特基金会 (Fullbright)理事。其他职位尚包括全美双语教育谘询委员会委员、休士顿市警署委员会委员、美华妇女协会副会长等等。曾代表美国政府及教育界考 察过四十馀个国家，娴熟国际事务，并在美国首都华府创建全美政治领袖基金会。
李博士出生于中国，早年在台湾接受教育，曾获全省钢琴比赛 冠 军。毕业于国立台湾师范大学，并获2001年师大杰出校友奖。服务教职后赴美留学，获北伊利诺大学硕士与普渡大学博士学位。曾任教及兼行政职位于休士顿大 学、南阿肯色大学、迪保大学(DePauw University)达二十一年。着书立说，创作丰硕。所出版之七本中英文书籍均畅销海内外，广受各界好评。(2002)
李恕信
李恕信博士现任阿拉巴马州首府Troy蒙哥 马利州立大学研究院院长，是《亲子交流》影集製作人， 也是中英文专栏作家。近三十年来以热心服务之态度及卓越的贡献活跃于美国政坛和教育界，她的奉献与付出赢得朝野人士一致讚誉与尊敬，并被列入众多美国名人 录中。
李博士历任政府和民间重要职务并荣获多项奖章。1978年获美国杰出青年妇女奖章，1982年获美国雷根总统成就奖。 1987-1990年间被美国国会任命为国际移民和经济发展委员会委员，随后被美国布希总统任命为美国联邦教育部副司长及傅尔布莱特基金会 (Fullbright)理事。其他职位尚包括全美双语教育谘询委员会委员、休士顿市警署委员会委员、美华妇女协会副会长等等。曾代表美国政府及教育界考 察过四十馀个国家，娴熟国际事务，并在美国首都华府创建全美政治领袖基金会。
李博士出生于中国，早年在台湾接受教育，曾获全省钢琴比赛 冠 军。毕业于国立台湾师范大学，并获2001年师大杰出校友奖。服务教职后赴美留学，获北伊利诺大学硕士与普渡大学博士学位。曾任教及兼行政职位于休士顿大 学、南阿肯色大学、迪保大学(DePauw University)达二十一年。着书立说，创作丰硕。所出版之七本中英文书籍均畅销海内外，广受各界好评。(2002)
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Global Perspective of Modern Chinese Preface by Chen Zhun Yue (樂茞軍) 9 Author's Preface 13 Ninety-Nine Percent Woman --- Esther Lee by Ting Fen Wang 17 Children Who Speak Chinese 31 A Vacation with Conversations 34 Chinese and Western Styles of Entertaining Guests 37 A Revelation from the Fishes 39 Children Participating in Wedding and Funeral Proceedings 42 Homeland Culture—On Music and Games 45 Parents Should Work with Teachers 48 My Own 51 Knowing the Self 54 Making the Best of Life 57 Words are Tools 60 On Some Suggestions from a Chinese Teacher 63 On Thank You Cards 66 What Are Your Kids Learning in School? 69 In Public Places 72 How to Use the Phone 75 Gentlemanly Style 78 "That's Why I Want to Be an American" 81 Communicating with Words 84 Parents' New Responsibility 87 Expectations Towards Your Children's Careers 90 Pretty Old? 93 Don't Annoy Them 96 When Not to Express Yourself 99 When the Children Start School 102 Instilling Language in Your Children 106 Single Parents 110 The Day There Was a Blackout 113 Children Who Aren't Good at Socializing 116 It's Never Too Late to Learn 119 The Motive for Learning 122 The Hero Behind the Scenes 125 Looking Forward: An Open Letter to the New Immigrant 128 Counting Our Blessings 131 I'm a Chinese American 134 The Lone Wolf 136 The Importance of Clothing 139 This Little Light of Mine 142 Hello 145 Balance 147 Feelings and Actions 149 Training in English 152 Helping Children Solve Problems 155 On Dinner Etiquette 157 Thoughts During a Perm 160 Shyness and Culture 163 Caring or Being Nosy 166 Pouring Oil on Troubled Waters 169 Generation After Generation 172 Free Men?! 175 Children's Stories and Songs 178 Friend! Please Don't Give Up Too Easily 181 Caring About Others 183 Don't Disturb Others!? 186 Children's Cultural Education 189 Things Left Unsaid 192 Relationships 195 The Group and the Individual 198 Active Versus Passive 201 The Rich Man's Donation 204 A Forewarning 207 Giving and Receiving 210 Be Brave and Speak Up 213 Careers in the Eyes of the Chinese 216 Family 219 Family Counseling 222 "I earn money, not the other way around" 225 New Versus Old 227 Face 230 Always Something New to Learn 233 Being Friends with Your Kids 236 The Right to Independence 239 Promoting Yourself 242 Preface
by Chen Zhun Yue (樂茞軍) Chief editor of the Family Edition of the worldwide circulated daily newspaper World Journal for Dr. Esther Lee Yao’s two books: Contemporary Chinese and Viewing Contemporary Chinese from Global Perspectives in September 1986. Like many editors and writers, I also first became acquainted with Esther Lee’s writing before I met her in person. It was then that I discovered she was like her writing, an intellectual full of passion for work, with ideals, passion, and ambition. Esther wrote the “At Home and Overseas” column for World Journal America’s family edition. For six, seven years, she has continually called Chinese-Americans to not only love their own country, but integrate into their host nations’ politics and society—only when deeply embedded into both of those areas can they truly win and strengthen their rights and place [in society], eliminating unfair or discriminatory situations. She herself has demonstrated this [philosophy], acting as one of the leaders of Chinese-American women. At the same time, she is also a successful housewife. This year, during CAPA, I met her husband, an excellent scientist who is especially supportive and admiring. I believe this is due not just to her husband’s generous spirit and progressive outlook, but the indelible pouring out she’s given to her family. I also met her two daughters, who were born overseas, but can read, write and speak Chinese well. Her oldest daughter even wore self-tailored clothes, and both have excellent scholastic performance. This proves that they have a good mother, [as] children act as a mirror to their parents, reflecting the parents’ good image. Bit by bit, she wrote her personal experiences on family, society, and work. I often learned concepts helpful to life in reading the articles she sent me. Back home we often thought that living in the US would be one of excitement, one that other people looked up to. But the reality was that many women who have received higher education often live as housewives (or [only] have a part-time job) with exceedingly boring, narrow, lonely, and empty lives, even more so than at home. Ester often mentions her personal experiences in her articles, suggesting how woman can enrich themselves, unlocking higher standards of living. Though she is a professor of specialized knowledge, the contents of her articles are quite practical. Just two days ago I read one of her articles on what a single woman should pay attention to when on a business trip. I discovered that her thoughts were carefully [composed], noting even the smallest of details. Moreover, she often discussed what kind of courage, insight, and charisma a woman needs to participate in politics and social events. She is a beautiful woman in clean-cut clothes, full of a woman’s meticulousness and rhythm, but she speaks simply, clearly, and in an ordered, logical fashion. [Though her articles were published in a paper we couldn’t [access] in our country, over 80% of the content was not restricted to a particular locale. The situation in America might be different from ours, but the trend of women entering into politics is a global one, as is the concern for one’s beloved surroundings. As for how to be a good wife and mother, isn’t that something every married woman should be learning nonstop? The topics Esther discusses aren’t restricted to women [either]; you can say she looks at questions through the eyes of a modern Chinese person, questions that every modern Chinese person should care about. I’m very fortunate to be her editor and very glad to [have] talked about her writing and her character. I hope that readers get practical help from her articles. Taipei, September 1986 |
简介
“由世界观看现代中国人”探讨中西文化的融合与取舍，如何有效取西方文化之长补我们之短，我们不宜一味洋化，亦不宜一味持守中国古老思想，如何开阔心胸来观察，衡量与对付发生在我们四周的事物，而作适宜的调整。以及中国人在美国生活的适应或习俗价值观冲突时，如何接受挑战，克服问题。 Use of the Phone (p. 75)
The telephone has revolutionized the way humans live their lives. Imagine what it'd be like without it? Inquiries, communications, sending regards and emergency situations all would have to rely on the mail or private messengers. Sometimes it's almost unthinkable what sort of dangers or accidents that would occur without phones, as many of life's problems can be prevented or solved by a call. Since the telephone has become a necessity in our daily lives, we should also know how to use this tool of civilization. First, let us look at how to make calls to other people. According to typical American phone call etiquette, the caller should first state their own full name before speaking to the other party, especially when calling to a busy office so that the secretary answering can report who the caller is and give the other side a chance to prepare themselves. If the other party doesn't know or isn't familiar with you, you should give a brief introduction to avoid them from being embarrassed at not knowing what to say. Not everyone has sharp hearing and can pick out a voice they've heard before, so by introducing yourself first you can help the other person get to know you or remember your relationship with them. Additionally, never open with your topic of discussion or request as soon as the line picks up, especially not when the other side isn't sure of who you are. You leave a bad first impression, and since he doesn't know who you are, he is unable to answer your request or solve your question. Thus, identify yourself first. As important as the opening exchange in a phone call is, it's also important to consider the timing of the call. Unless it's an emergency, it's better to not call too early or late in the day unless you're very familiar with the other party's habits. Not everyone has the same schedule; you might be a night owl, the other party an early bird. It's also not appropriate to disturb others during mealtime. To avoid letting the other feel like you're imposing on them, ask if they're available to talk. When making long-distance calls, be aware of the time difference. America is a large country, and the time difference will vary depending on geography and time of year. It's better if you think of the other party first and not disturb them with a ringing phone too early or late. According to common courtesy, the person answering the phone should also first state their name so that the caller can confirm whether they've reached the right person or number. Should parents allow the children to answer the phone, they should teach them some basic polite phrases such as "thank you", "please hold", "you're welcome" and so on. They should also teach how to deal with different situations, such as how to leave the caller's phone number or other simple messages. If the parents aren't able to get to the phone and allow the children to handle it, the child can ask the other party to hold or honestly tell them that their parents aren't able to answer right away but can call them back; that way you can avoid a situation where they tell the other party that daddy's on the toilet, and you don't offend the other party as well. A phone's function not just includes communications, but is also a tool to deal with emergencies. Be sure to answer another incoming call and put your party on hold when you use cell phone. Many tragedies and accidents are a result of not being able to make a phone call; to prevent misfortune, not only should you avoid long conversations on the phone, you can also request the phone company to add the functionality on your line that lets you know when someone else is also calling so that you can quickly end the call or put the other party on hold and then answer the second call. In all, do everything you can to make the use of the telephone more effective and better able to build relationships rather than cause accidents or ruin friendships. Parents' New Responsibility, p. 87
When I was a child, my parents' greatest expectations were not just for the children to have food and shelter, but also a good education. When parents see their children overcome obstacles to pass entrance exams and receive the highest degrees, they're not only proud, but feel relieved, because they've done their best to help their children be able to have a standing in society through knowledge, and even more amazingly, their children can develop a future in a foreign country. Parents today have different societal backgrounds and challenges from parents in the past. In America, a parent's main responsibility is no longer taking care of the basic needs or worry all the time about a child's grades or entrance exams. On the surface, it seems that since these basics are no longer a problem and parents' worries can be diminished, especially in the US where the school's facilities, books, and teachers give Chinese parents great faith in the American education system. And yet parents' responsibilities are not lesser or lighter, but heavier and more complicated than ever. Scholars who studies Chinese Americans are generally split into two camps: one group is unhappy with the situation of Chinese in the States, and so their theories and reports are full of accusations of discrimination from Westerners, and emphasize that many poor and helpless Chinese are waiting for aid. The other camp is more optimistic, often telling anecdotes of Chinese starting careers and successfully integrating into society. When carefully studying the backgrounds of these scholars, it's often the case that the first group consists mostly of American born Chinese who have experienced a lot of prejudice and discrimination, such that even their accomplishments cannot compensate their dissatisfaction with their current situation. They have deeply felt that even without the language barriers or cultural differences, the second, third, and fourth generation Chinese are still looked down upon because they look different. The second group tends to be first generation, new immigrants who feel satisfied and full of appreciation and confidence over the accomplishments they made in the States. Since they see their standard of living keeps increasing, they don't make additional demands upon the American government or its people, thinking everything to be very satisfactory. When we think about it, aren't our American-born Chinese (ABC) children under our attentive care, could be free from being influenced by those bad American youths? They shouldn't do drugs. They shouldn't be sexually promiscuous. They will go to a good college, and have good jobs . . . Yes, many parents have the faith and confidence to reach these goals so that they have accomplished their responsibility as parents. Yet, today's Chinese parents are not just responsible for helping develop their children's academics and careers, but also focus on the problems and challenges they will face when being torn between Eastern and Western cultures. I believe our next generations' accomplishments will be much higher than ours: they will be engineers, scientists, doctors, entrepreneurs . . . These numbers are sure to increase. But the discrimination they face may not decrease depending on how America trains its teachers and educates their young. Instead, they will feel even more prejudice, because they see themselves as being no different from other Americans. Unlike their first generation parents, who have language barriers preventing them from getting better positions but have their own cultural pride as a defense mechanism against prejudice. Thus the younger generation will feel an even deeper sense of exclusion from American mainstream than their parents. In order to overcome this psychological imbalance, and to help our children to have the right attitude and methods to meet problems that they will face, parents' new responsibilities include: 1) helping children accept the differences between the races, and accept their own unique appearance; 2) help children understand their roots—the beautiful ancient Chinese culture; 3) encourage children to be familiar with the struggles the Chinese immigrants have had while building their lives in America, including the lessons learned from the unfair laws against the Chinese from the 19th Century on; 4) preparing children on how to deal with such problems and to improve the perception of Chinese Americans in the eyes of Americans and so on. I believe these should be the concerns and responsibility of today’s Chinese American parents in addition to the basic needs of their children. 
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Esther Shu-shin Lee, the Woman of 99% of Perfection
By Wang Ting Fen, as an introduction to Esther’s both books, Contemporary Chinese, and Global Perspective of Contemporary Chinese. The following translation is by Mary M. Lin of Orlando, FL.
The first time I met Esther Lee was when she returned to Taiwan to attend the Chinese-American Professional Association meeting last August.
I hurried to see her, as she only had a short time to be interviewed. Her two daughters were with here, [so] we had our interview at one table while they chatted at another.
First, I found out that she was Lee Shu Chuan’s older sister. (Note: His English name is David who was then a very famous rock music star in Taiwan.)
The interview then proceeded with her speaking to me in a very efficient, organized, and clear manner. At the time, I thought that she managed every moment so well because of the constraints she was under; it was only later that I knew this sort of high efficiency to be the way she always dealt with everything.
She waited until finishing her college education before going to the United States for graduate school. After that, she received a Master's Degree in Home Economics Education at Northern Illinois University and a Ph.D. with emphasis on Child Development and Family Life (CDFL) from Purdue. Now she teaches at Houston University/Clear Lake, and all of the topics she has taught on have been very specialized: early childhood education, children's psychology, multicultural education, developmental psychology and educational psychology. After her PhD, she stayed home as a housewife for four years taking care of the chores and the children, making Chinese dishes for her guests, and helping out at the church. Though this kept her busy and fulfilled, she would often ask herself at the prompting of family and friends: "Was this all I became a professor for?"
Of course not; later, Esther would receive her teaching position, and began teaching and writing in addition to taking care of her daughters, still having the energy to participate in the community.
No matter how busy she was, Esther would take as much time as she could for her family. Whenever they go out, they are sure to return home before 10 so that their daughters can stay healthy; only when she and her husband go out by themselves do they return later, but even then they try to get home before the late night news. Esther would then take this time to talk with her husband, exchanging what they had gotten out of work that day.
Her husband Yao Shi-chan is an aeronautical engineer who believed that "a married woman should stay home and keep the house in order", but Esther persisted in communicating her ideals to him so that he'd understand, eventually winning his support. Esther believed that even after a woman was married, "she shouldn't give up on influencing her husband." Thus, with her husband's support, she has more time to her work; this result is much better than mutual misunderstanding and both sides stressing out.
She places a lot of importance on her relationship with her family; having won her husband's support, she also wanted to get her daughters' understanding and assistance. Thus, she often uses the opportunity to teach her daughters so they can know what their mother is doing. For these two girls, Esther is a mother and a teacher: she instructs them in piano and Chinese, and every summer she arranges different activities for them such as calligraphy, sewing, cooking, etc. The children are very proud of their mother.
Not Just Run-Of-The-Mill Good
When speaking of his sister Esther, Lee Shu-chuan spells it out clearly: "She is one of the few women that I admire the most."
Even now, Lee Shu Chuan still feels that he's been deeply influenced by her, much to his benefit.
When Lee Shu Chuan first arrived in the States, he lived out of Esther's house. At the time, Esther and her husband had just graduated and a child; despite their poor financial situation, they still accepted Lee Shu Chuan into their home. Asking Lee Shu Chuan about his sister now, his expression is focused and full of admiration for her. Counting the years, I realized that when Lee Shu Chuan was living out of Esther's house, he was still rather immature, so I asked him: "Was she strict with you?" At once he answered: "Yes." And then added, "I don't know, she wasn't all that harsh." Later, Lee Shu Chuan would give an example of how Esther is a true psychiatrist.
After arriving in America, Esther realized that no matter the task, it was better to learn it herself rather than ask someone to do it for her. At the time, she had to use the typewriter every day to write all sorts of reports and letters; without the skill, you could forget getting anything done. At that time, Lee Shu Chuan was in middle school and had electives to take, so he came home to ask his sister what he should study. When she answered "typing", this was a huge surprise to Lee Shu Chuan—what was a boy going to learn typing for? Typing had always been women's work, so he refused. Esther explained the reasoning to him, but she saw that he wouldn't listen to her even after a long talk, she said: "All right, do what you like, then." Lee Shu Chuan later chose to learn typing.
Now, Lee Shu Chuan doesn't spend a day without the typewriter; he needs it for everything, and often it's a rush project, so he can't stand around waiting with a pile of paper so that someone can help him. Most modern American males all have this skill now, but Esther was prescient enough to realize it back then.
Esther can also make all sorts of Chinese and Western desserts; when speaking about this, Lee Shu Chuan claimed with delight in his eyes: "It's not just run-of-the-mill good."
He claims that she can make almost anything, and make it tasty; all of the Yao's friends know that eating at their house is a great enjoyment.
Esther indeed loves making desserts; she bakes them all herself, knowing deserts of many styles. The only thing she can't cook are Chinese fritters.
Zhang Ai Ling's aunt is a woman of many talents, able to write letters and mend shoe soles.
Similarly, Esther is also a Renaissance woman who teaches and writes books, but is also the queen of the kitchen with a wok and spatula.
Lee Shu Chuan admires her a lot. As he says: "My sister really is something," the love and respect he has for her is plain to see from his expression.
The Forty-Eight Hour Day Person
Esther's greatest talent is her use of time.
Because the first interview had been conducted in a rush, we wrote to her as well as her two daughters and her husband after she returned to the States, asking them to tell us more about her in depth. It didn't take too long to get a response; her family wrote their replies on paper, whereas Esther sent a tape cassette.
This tape began with a piano duet performed by Esther and her daughter (she had won first place in an all-Taiwan piano competition). Then, she answered our questions from inside her house. The tape was full of background noise: people talking, utensils banging together and so on. Soon, the noise intensified, like that of a strong wind blowing past the windows, but Esther kept on talking. Later, she told us on the tape that her husband and daughters had gone into town for some shopping, whereas she stayed in the car to record answers for us, in order to save time.
Her husband describes her efficiency thus: "She doesn't waste a single moment, but is always doing two things simultaneously and is never just killing time. Whenever she has a moment, she goes onto plan the next thing; while driving, she listens to tapes or memorizes English vocabulary words; while watching television she exercises…"
Lee Shu Chuan's description paints a much clearer picture. Speaking in hurried tones, he illustrates his sister's high efficiency with animated body language.
According to him, Esther could: make eggs and coffee as soon as she got up in the morning; then vacuum the rug and clean up the living room while breakfast cooks; with food ready, she'd wake her daughters; while they eat, she'd get herself ready and then tell them to be out the door in 2 minutes.
Because she can do so many things at the same time, no doubt she has plenty of time on her hands. Her husband said of her: "I would score her 99 out of 100 on everything else, but she passes with flying colors on time management."
She uses a day's 24 hours as if there were 48.
In their house, they can take the phone and plug it into any room, so Esther can do other things while on the phone.
She always seems full of energy; whenever her hands stop moving, her mind would keep churning the plan for the next project already taking shape. She doesn't run to the store for just one thing, but she would write down many things she needs and make a single trip. It truly is a difficult task to waste her time—almost impossible to do, in fact.
Her Husband and Her ABC Daughters
Though Esther knows exactly what to do and when, how long it would take and what to do next, the only thing she can't control is her husband's desk.
According to her second daughter Shu Wei, the things on her father's desk "have been there since the Stone Age."
Esther is an organized person, so everyone in her family has a desk to themselves. Her husband's in particular has accumulated quite the pile of things and thus has lost its use as a desk. Whenever he needs to write something, he can only do so by borrowing another desk. Esther once found on her husband's desk edition of the Central Daily paper and Christmas cards from 11 years ago—and they'd moved into the house exactly 11 years ago—so one can only imagine what sort of history the other things piled there have. Later, her husband kept asking for a new desk, as things had gotten too inconvenient. At first, Ester made an agreement that she'd have a quarter of the new desk's drawers in hopes that at least that portion could stay under control. But it wasn't long before her husband's things spread to her area—even his drawers were so full that Esther couldn't organize the desktop's contents into them. Now, she gets a headache whenever she looks at her husband's desk, as she can't even see its surface.
The way she teaches her children, on the other hand, is really something. The two daughters talk about their mother very vividly. On the tapes, Esther can be heard asking her daughters what they are doing; and often, they can be heard saying "uh huh, uh huh" as Esther speaks. Both of her daughters excel in many areas: they participate in all sorts of school activities like other American kids. Esther requires them to have good grades in school, but they're also frequently awarded accolades in extra-curricular activities such as piano, other musical instruments, cheerleading, and debate.
Asians who are living in Western culture, especially children, have to face two very different worlds. This is a topic worthy of deep study. And how to raise these so-called "American-Born [Chinese] Children" is the problem that families with such children are concerned with the most. Esther is obviously familiar with the ins and outs of this, so we can see that her two daughters, under her guidance, have entered into American society and kept their own culture by learning Chinese, a must for them. These two cultures, one on the outside and one on the inside, have formed a unique and rich resource for them.
Esther, as an almost perfect woman, is the best wife in her husband's eyes, the best mother in her daughters', her brother's wonderful sister; and a good writer to her readers.
She's actually already earned full marks.
By Wang Ting Fen, as an introduction to Esther’s both books, Contemporary Chinese, and Global Perspective of Contemporary Chinese. The following translation is by Mary M. Lin of Orlando, FL.
The first time I met Esther Lee was when she returned to Taiwan to attend the Chinese-American Professional Association meeting last August.
I hurried to see her, as she only had a short time to be interviewed. Her two daughters were with here, [so] we had our interview at one table while they chatted at another.
First, I found out that she was Lee Shu Chuan’s older sister. (Note: His English name is David who was then a very famous rock music star in Taiwan.)
The interview then proceeded with her speaking to me in a very efficient, organized, and clear manner. At the time, I thought that she managed every moment so well because of the constraints she was under; it was only later that I knew this sort of high efficiency to be the way she always dealt with everything.
She waited until finishing her college education before going to the United States for graduate school. After that, she received a Master's Degree in Home Economics Education at Northern Illinois University and a Ph.D. with emphasis on Child Development and Family Life (CDFL) from Purdue. Now she teaches at Houston University/Clear Lake, and all of the topics she has taught on have been very specialized: early childhood education, children's psychology, multicultural education, developmental psychology and educational psychology. After her PhD, she stayed home as a housewife for four years taking care of the chores and the children, making Chinese dishes for her guests, and helping out at the church. Though this kept her busy and fulfilled, she would often ask herself at the prompting of family and friends: "Was this all I became a professor for?"
Of course not; later, Esther would receive her teaching position, and began teaching and writing in addition to taking care of her daughters, still having the energy to participate in the community.
No matter how busy she was, Esther would take as much time as she could for her family. Whenever they go out, they are sure to return home before 10 so that their daughters can stay healthy; only when she and her husband go out by themselves do they return later, but even then they try to get home before the late night news. Esther would then take this time to talk with her husband, exchanging what they had gotten out of work that day.
Her husband Yao Shi-chan is an aeronautical engineer who believed that "a married woman should stay home and keep the house in order", but Esther persisted in communicating her ideals to him so that he'd understand, eventually winning his support. Esther believed that even after a woman was married, "she shouldn't give up on influencing her husband." Thus, with her husband's support, she has more time to her work; this result is much better than mutual misunderstanding and both sides stressing out.
She places a lot of importance on her relationship with her family; having won her husband's support, she also wanted to get her daughters' understanding and assistance. Thus, she often uses the opportunity to teach her daughters so they can know what their mother is doing. For these two girls, Esther is a mother and a teacher: she instructs them in piano and Chinese, and every summer she arranges different activities for them such as calligraphy, sewing, cooking, etc. The children are very proud of their mother.
Not Just Run-Of-The-Mill Good
When speaking of his sister Esther, Lee Shu-chuan spells it out clearly: "She is one of the few women that I admire the most."
Even now, Lee Shu Chuan still feels that he's been deeply influenced by her, much to his benefit.
When Lee Shu Chuan first arrived in the States, he lived out of Esther's house. At the time, Esther and her husband had just graduated and a child; despite their poor financial situation, they still accepted Lee Shu Chuan into their home. Asking Lee Shu Chuan about his sister now, his expression is focused and full of admiration for her. Counting the years, I realized that when Lee Shu Chuan was living out of Esther's house, he was still rather immature, so I asked him: "Was she strict with you?" At once he answered: "Yes." And then added, "I don't know, she wasn't all that harsh." Later, Lee Shu Chuan would give an example of how Esther is a true psychiatrist.
After arriving in America, Esther realized that no matter the task, it was better to learn it herself rather than ask someone to do it for her. At the time, she had to use the typewriter every day to write all sorts of reports and letters; without the skill, you could forget getting anything done. At that time, Lee Shu Chuan was in middle school and had electives to take, so he came home to ask his sister what he should study. When she answered "typing", this was a huge surprise to Lee Shu Chuan—what was a boy going to learn typing for? Typing had always been women's work, so he refused. Esther explained the reasoning to him, but she saw that he wouldn't listen to her even after a long talk, she said: "All right, do what you like, then." Lee Shu Chuan later chose to learn typing.
Now, Lee Shu Chuan doesn't spend a day without the typewriter; he needs it for everything, and often it's a rush project, so he can't stand around waiting with a pile of paper so that someone can help him. Most modern American males all have this skill now, but Esther was prescient enough to realize it back then.
Esther can also make all sorts of Chinese and Western desserts; when speaking about this, Lee Shu Chuan claimed with delight in his eyes: "It's not just run-of-the-mill good."
He claims that she can make almost anything, and make it tasty; all of the Yao's friends know that eating at their house is a great enjoyment.
Esther indeed loves making desserts; she bakes them all herself, knowing deserts of many styles. The only thing she can't cook are Chinese fritters.
Zhang Ai Ling's aunt is a woman of many talents, able to write letters and mend shoe soles.
Similarly, Esther is also a Renaissance woman who teaches and writes books, but is also the queen of the kitchen with a wok and spatula.
Lee Shu Chuan admires her a lot. As he says: "My sister really is something," the love and respect he has for her is plain to see from his expression.
The Forty-Eight Hour Day Person
Esther's greatest talent is her use of time.
Because the first interview had been conducted in a rush, we wrote to her as well as her two daughters and her husband after she returned to the States, asking them to tell us more about her in depth. It didn't take too long to get a response; her family wrote their replies on paper, whereas Esther sent a tape cassette.
This tape began with a piano duet performed by Esther and her daughter (she had won first place in an all-Taiwan piano competition). Then, she answered our questions from inside her house. The tape was full of background noise: people talking, utensils banging together and so on. Soon, the noise intensified, like that of a strong wind blowing past the windows, but Esther kept on talking. Later, she told us on the tape that her husband and daughters had gone into town for some shopping, whereas she stayed in the car to record answers for us, in order to save time.
Her husband describes her efficiency thus: "She doesn't waste a single moment, but is always doing two things simultaneously and is never just killing time. Whenever she has a moment, she goes onto plan the next thing; while driving, she listens to tapes or memorizes English vocabulary words; while watching television she exercises…"
Lee Shu Chuan's description paints a much clearer picture. Speaking in hurried tones, he illustrates his sister's high efficiency with animated body language.
According to him, Esther could: make eggs and coffee as soon as she got up in the morning; then vacuum the rug and clean up the living room while breakfast cooks; with food ready, she'd wake her daughters; while they eat, she'd get herself ready and then tell them to be out the door in 2 minutes.
Because she can do so many things at the same time, no doubt she has plenty of time on her hands. Her husband said of her: "I would score her 99 out of 100 on everything else, but she passes with flying colors on time management."
She uses a day's 24 hours as if there were 48.
In their house, they can take the phone and plug it into any room, so Esther can do other things while on the phone.
She always seems full of energy; whenever her hands stop moving, her mind would keep churning the plan for the next project already taking shape. She doesn't run to the store for just one thing, but she would write down many things she needs and make a single trip. It truly is a difficult task to waste her time—almost impossible to do, in fact.
Her Husband and Her ABC Daughters
Though Esther knows exactly what to do and when, how long it would take and what to do next, the only thing she can't control is her husband's desk.
According to her second daughter Shu Wei, the things on her father's desk "have been there since the Stone Age."
Esther is an organized person, so everyone in her family has a desk to themselves. Her husband's in particular has accumulated quite the pile of things and thus has lost its use as a desk. Whenever he needs to write something, he can only do so by borrowing another desk. Esther once found on her husband's desk edition of the Central Daily paper and Christmas cards from 11 years ago—and they'd moved into the house exactly 11 years ago—so one can only imagine what sort of history the other things piled there have. Later, her husband kept asking for a new desk, as things had gotten too inconvenient. At first, Ester made an agreement that she'd have a quarter of the new desk's drawers in hopes that at least that portion could stay under control. But it wasn't long before her husband's things spread to her area—even his drawers were so full that Esther couldn't organize the desktop's contents into them. Now, she gets a headache whenever she looks at her husband's desk, as she can't even see its surface.
The way she teaches her children, on the other hand, is really something. The two daughters talk about their mother very vividly. On the tapes, Esther can be heard asking her daughters what they are doing; and often, they can be heard saying "uh huh, uh huh" as Esther speaks. Both of her daughters excel in many areas: they participate in all sorts of school activities like other American kids. Esther requires them to have good grades in school, but they're also frequently awarded accolades in extra-curricular activities such as piano, other musical instruments, cheerleading, and debate.
Asians who are living in Western culture, especially children, have to face two very different worlds. This is a topic worthy of deep study. And how to raise these so-called "American-Born [Chinese] Children" is the problem that families with such children are concerned with the most. Esther is obviously familiar with the ins and outs of this, so we can see that her two daughters, under her guidance, have entered into American society and kept their own culture by learning Chinese, a must for them. These two cultures, one on the outside and one on the inside, have formed a unique and rich resource for them.
Esther, as an almost perfect woman, is the best wife in her husband's eyes, the best mother in her daughters', her brother's wonderful sister; and a good writer to her readers.
She's actually already earned full marks.
Contemporary Chinese - Author's preface (and also Viewing Chinese through Global Perspective)
Can you believe that I'm the least qualified to write essays? Because my Chinese skills were too poor, I couldn't come up with many idioms or descriptive phrases despite my best efforts, so I could only use direct content to fill any inadequacies. [But] perhaps it was precisely for this reason that [my work] could enjoy the popularity, support, and encouragement of a multitude of readers. One of my readers told me: "Your work has mass appeal and is very constructive." I'll bet it's related to the content and its simple style!
For me, becoming a writer was a miracle, as I had neither the talent nor the experience. When we moved to Houston in 1972, I already had a baby. Brother Yu Yi Ping of my church, perhaps feeling that I as a full-time housewife had too much free time, asked me to begin writing a family column for the church's monthly newsletter. The reason Brother Yu gave for this was so that I could apply what I had earned my university degrees instead of wasting my talents. At the same time, I was also writing academic articles for some of Taiwan's Home Economics magazines. Gradually, I discovered that there were people who were reading my scrawling, thus increasing my self-confidence. More amazingly, the articles on family and child development [that I wrote] during those years caught the eye of Pastor Zhang Zhi Xin of the Hong Kong Baptist Press; they decided to collect them for publication, calling the anthology "Three Generations Together." Now, the third edition (a revised edition), is about to be distributed.
In the summer of 1979, I went back to Taiwan to do research on Chinese women. There, I had the opportunity to meet the famous Ms. Wei Wei. After she interviewed me on television, she invited me to write a column on the topic of my choice for the World Journal, a worldwide circulated daily newspaper. Writing one article a week was a lot of work! After some discussion, I named [the column] "Overseas Chinese", using the clash between eastern and western cultures as the background to explore various aspects of life. Because I was taught multi-cultural education and developmental psychology, I was especially interested in these topics, so I gladly accepted [her invitation]. To my surprise, it's already been seven years since then. (Totally, it exceeded ten years.)
In these seven years, I've gotten a lot of encouragement from many readers. Even something like a brief note or conversation boosted my confidence, and their communications with me helped me decide the direction and focus of my writing. In general, the four articles that I would submit each month focused on the topics of marriage, child-rearing, intergenerational relationships, women's issues, adjusting to life in the states or the challenges that result from a conflict of values or habits. I tried to avoid repeating topics even if the readers requested them, because I didn't dare rehash old material (I know that some readers saved clippings from my column every week). Because of this, readers requested that I collect the articles I wrote in a [single] publication. In the summer of 1986, I went back to Taiwan attending a Chinese-American Professional Association conference. Miraculously, I met Miss Chen Li Hua, the editor of chief of Taiwan's famous Crown Publishing Company. Just two house prior to my departure back to the States, I signed a publishing contract with her in Taipei. Because there were too many articles to fit into a single book, we split the contents into two volumes based on two topics: one emphasizing life [skills], one on adjusting to Western culture and making choices between [it and] eastern culture. I hope that, through these two books, we can effectively integrate the virtues of both western and eastern cultures to enrich our life in the US. It would not do to simply westernize or stubbornly hold onto the old Chinese ways of thought. As the world continues to shrink, we must adjust the ways we act and think in order to observe and weigh the things happening around us with a broader perspective. Having our blinders on is not an attitude suitable for the modern world.
In the years of writing this column, I myself have benefitted quite a bit, and I've noticed changes [in my life] from the [simple] passage of time. I hope the reader and the elders, family and friends around me can continue to support and guide me. Here, I would especially like to thank President Ping, Chief Editor Chen Li Hua, Miss Wang Ting Fen, and Mis Yang Yue Qiao of the Crown Publishing Company. Thanks also to Ms. Wei Wei (Miss Yue Chen Jun), who took time out of her busy schedule to write a preface [for my book], adding her touch to it. At the same time, I'm very thankful for the cooperation and support of my in-laws, my husband, and my two daughters. Finally, I'd like to thank my mother, who bore me, raised me, taught me, and never stopped praying for me.
Can you believe that I'm the least qualified to write essays? Because my Chinese skills were too poor, I couldn't come up with many idioms or descriptive phrases despite my best efforts, so I could only use direct content to fill any inadequacies. [But] perhaps it was precisely for this reason that [my work] could enjoy the popularity, support, and encouragement of a multitude of readers. One of my readers told me: "Your work has mass appeal and is very constructive." I'll bet it's related to the content and its simple style!
For me, becoming a writer was a miracle, as I had neither the talent nor the experience. When we moved to Houston in 1972, I already had a baby. Brother Yu Yi Ping of my church, perhaps feeling that I as a full-time housewife had too much free time, asked me to begin writing a family column for the church's monthly newsletter. The reason Brother Yu gave for this was so that I could apply what I had earned my university degrees instead of wasting my talents. At the same time, I was also writing academic articles for some of Taiwan's Home Economics magazines. Gradually, I discovered that there were people who were reading my scrawling, thus increasing my self-confidence. More amazingly, the articles on family and child development [that I wrote] during those years caught the eye of Pastor Zhang Zhi Xin of the Hong Kong Baptist Press; they decided to collect them for publication, calling the anthology "Three Generations Together." Now, the third edition (a revised edition), is about to be distributed.
In the summer of 1979, I went back to Taiwan to do research on Chinese women. There, I had the opportunity to meet the famous Ms. Wei Wei. After she interviewed me on television, she invited me to write a column on the topic of my choice for the World Journal, a worldwide circulated daily newspaper. Writing one article a week was a lot of work! After some discussion, I named [the column] "Overseas Chinese", using the clash between eastern and western cultures as the background to explore various aspects of life. Because I was taught multi-cultural education and developmental psychology, I was especially interested in these topics, so I gladly accepted [her invitation]. To my surprise, it's already been seven years since then. (Totally, it exceeded ten years.)
In these seven years, I've gotten a lot of encouragement from many readers. Even something like a brief note or conversation boosted my confidence, and their communications with me helped me decide the direction and focus of my writing. In general, the four articles that I would submit each month focused on the topics of marriage, child-rearing, intergenerational relationships, women's issues, adjusting to life in the states or the challenges that result from a conflict of values or habits. I tried to avoid repeating topics even if the readers requested them, because I didn't dare rehash old material (I know that some readers saved clippings from my column every week). Because of this, readers requested that I collect the articles I wrote in a [single] publication. In the summer of 1986, I went back to Taiwan attending a Chinese-American Professional Association conference. Miraculously, I met Miss Chen Li Hua, the editor of chief of Taiwan's famous Crown Publishing Company. Just two house prior to my departure back to the States, I signed a publishing contract with her in Taipei. Because there were too many articles to fit into a single book, we split the contents into two volumes based on two topics: one emphasizing life [skills], one on adjusting to Western culture and making choices between [it and] eastern culture. I hope that, through these two books, we can effectively integrate the virtues of both western and eastern cultures to enrich our life in the US. It would not do to simply westernize or stubbornly hold onto the old Chinese ways of thought. As the world continues to shrink, we must adjust the ways we act and think in order to observe and weigh the things happening around us with a broader perspective. Having our blinders on is not an attitude suitable for the modern world.
In the years of writing this column, I myself have benefitted quite a bit, and I've noticed changes [in my life] from the [simple] passage of time. I hope the reader and the elders, family and friends around me can continue to support and guide me. Here, I would especially like to thank President Ping, Chief Editor Chen Li Hua, Miss Wang Ting Fen, and Mis Yang Yue Qiao of the Crown Publishing Company. Thanks also to Ms. Wei Wei (Miss Yue Chen Jun), who took time out of her busy schedule to write a preface [for my book], adding her touch to it. At the same time, I'm very thankful for the cooperation and support of my in-laws, my husband, and my two daughters. Finally, I'd like to thank my mother, who bore me, raised me, taught me, and never stopped praying for me.
- Written in 1986 from Houston's Clear Lake.
Why I Published This Book (Cool Parenting)
By Esther Shu-shin Lee
Being parents are natural roles [in life], but in order to become effective parents and enjoy a happy relationship with their children, one needs to acquire training in order to fully develop and complete the responsibility that God has given us. I truly believe that the essays I've selected out of the World’s Journal’s Interactive Parenting column can help determined parents in their seeking and growth.
Though there are innumerable books and articles on raising children in Chinese and English, and new—and often contradictory—theories and research results being published, this often only causes parents to feel at a loss. Additionally, every person, including the parents doing the teaching and the children doing the learning—even twins—are different. As result, parents don't know what methods to use to teach their children and effectively deal with personal issues.
In addition to the [individual] differences between parents and children, modern parents also face rapid change in all facets of society. Asian parents in particular, whether living in their homelands or overseas, must often encounter conflicts and challenges between eastern and western cultures. With the generational gap added on top of that, many parents feel helpless.
Thirty-odd years ago, I was experiences these challenges for myself when I was studying childhood development and family life (CDFL) at Purdue University. At the time, I discovered that many of the problems being faced by young Americans began with home. Many parents don't know how to raise their children; even if they could meet their children’s basic physical needs, they couldn't effectively teach or counsel them, including how to establish good living habits, high quality of character, optimistic outlooks on life, good interpersonal relationship, etc.
After receiving my Ph.D., I was determined to promote [good] parenting and young children's education. Because I'd just given birth to my eldest, I had yet to have a job. But as soon as I moved to Houston, I organized a parenting discussion forum and the Space City Chinese School (in Clear Lake, Houston area, TX) which later became the Clear Lake Chinese School, and also began writing columns as well. As far back as high school, my writing grades weren't great; in fact, I was afraid of writing, but under the encouragement of Brother Yu Yi-Ping of the Houston Chinese Church, I began to write the "Christian Family Living" column for the church's monthly newsletter]. The selected articles later became the book, Three Generations Together.
Four years later, after my two daughters had grown somewhat, I began to teach at University of Houston/Clear Lake (UHCL). I continue to promote the importance of good parenting and childhood education. Gradually, the community began to emphasis on this area as well, and the government also encouraged research and teacher training programs through federal grants. In the last couple of decades as medical technology advanced, experts were able to use the scientific method to verify the importance of early childhood education, especially the first three years. These three critical years after an infant is birth is [now] considered the most "Critical Period" of human development.
As a Chinese person who has lived in America for a long time and raised two daughters, I've had much time to observe and experience how the clash between cultures affects and challenges the child-rearing process and techniques. Thus, my many years of academic research have placed an emphasis on how cultural differences affect and cause problems to Asian American children’s development. In 1983, I accepted the invitation of the famous worldwide daily newspaper, World Journal [columnist/editor] Ms Wei Wei and began to author the "Overseas Chinese" column for the World Journal's Home and Garden section. For a decade, I addressed topics and gave advice on how to raise Chinese children in America. Because of the great feedback from readers, Crown Magazine Publishing Company in Taipei, Taiwan collected and compiled these column articles into two books: Contemporary Chinese and Global Perspective of Contemporary Chinese. After that, the Overseas Chinese Publishing House in Beijing, China released Cool Motherhood.
Speaking of teaching the next generation, that's actually a very broad topic, as it can include medicine, health, schooling, learning, intellectual development, personality development and so forth. My writing focused primarily on how to facilitate parent-child interaction and inspire the children's development in various areas, especially in habits, character, world views and interpersonal relations so that they can have successful, happy and satisfying lives.
In the 1990s, neuroscience and education [began] focusing on the "critical period" of human growth and development—the first three years. This inspired me to once again advocate the importance of family education for young children. Thus, in 1996 I produced a series of videos that were broadcast through Direct TV. At the same time I also began weekly syndicated column in several newspapers for non-Asian parents in order to help them solve many practical problems concerning disciplining and character building. Currently, several English parenting magazines still publish my old column writings.
Because of the difference in culture and language, I felt a need to write articles on parent-child interactions in Chinese to help Chinese-American parents effectively combining the best virtues of both east and west cultures to raised their offspring without geographical boundary - in America, China, or any other country. With rapid technological advancement and economic growth [around them], Chinese parents often face cultural clashes and unable to decide between traditional or modern ideas while raising and disciplining their children. Thus, in the fall of 1997, the World Journal’s Weekly Magazine began publishing my column "Interactive Parenting". Though these two columns – Overseas Chinese and Interactive Parenting - shared similar goals, there were different contents and emphasis.
The main goal of "Interacting Parenting" column is to explore the challenges encountered by the bilingual and bicultural Chinese parents. It is very difficult to find answers for these challenges or questions in American or Chinese/Taiwanese books or magazines. Even the readers who didn't live in Americas found the column articles to be valuable and able to solve many of their pressing problems. Each article had different topic and different focus: some on children of different ages, some on various challenges, and some on general issues cross the age difference. Basically, [the articles] never deviated from the establishment of good communications and relationships between two, and even three, generations.
Nurturing parent-child relations is a life-long journey that never ends and always has room for improvement. Even though I have researched, taught, and educated young children for many years, I can't call myself a perfect mother. As the children grow, every parent needs to [keep] learning, adjusting, and getting used to new challenges. Effective parent-child relations is especially not easy in this rapidly changing society. Regardless of age, parents need to have an open heart and open mind to raise their children, never insisting on their own views in a close-minded, stubborn manner. When facing problems or challenges, parents need to always remember that each child is a special person, with their own unique needs and personality developments. Parents need to accept and understand [them] in an open manner, and absorb other people's experiences in order to enhance the knowledge and techniques of successful parenting. It’s better to acquire parenting skills even before the child is born.
Although I no longer have the time to write columns due of my current administrative responsibilities, I believe that your decision to read this book shows that you will be a successful parent with good parent-child relations, just as God intended.
Finally, I wish to deeply thank Brother Yu Yi Ping, Ms. Wei Wei, and World Journal’s Weekly Magazine editor Miss Su Wen Ming for offering me the opportunity to explore various aspects of a bilingual, and bicultural life through writing articles.
I would also thank my dear siblings, Shu-min, Shu-ai and Shu-wang, and the feedback and encouragement from my countless readers. I am especially thankful for older sister Shu-min's preface.
My two wonderful grown daughters have been my inspiration to write and research. They continue to inspire my learning and growth.
Written January of 2003
Translated by Mary M. Lin of Orlando, FL
As of July 14, 2012
By Esther Shu-shin Lee
Being parents are natural roles [in life], but in order to become effective parents and enjoy a happy relationship with their children, one needs to acquire training in order to fully develop and complete the responsibility that God has given us. I truly believe that the essays I've selected out of the World’s Journal’s Interactive Parenting column can help determined parents in their seeking and growth.
Though there are innumerable books and articles on raising children in Chinese and English, and new—and often contradictory—theories and research results being published, this often only causes parents to feel at a loss. Additionally, every person, including the parents doing the teaching and the children doing the learning—even twins—are different. As result, parents don't know what methods to use to teach their children and effectively deal with personal issues.
In addition to the [individual] differences between parents and children, modern parents also face rapid change in all facets of society. Asian parents in particular, whether living in their homelands or overseas, must often encounter conflicts and challenges between eastern and western cultures. With the generational gap added on top of that, many parents feel helpless.
Thirty-odd years ago, I was experiences these challenges for myself when I was studying childhood development and family life (CDFL) at Purdue University. At the time, I discovered that many of the problems being faced by young Americans began with home. Many parents don't know how to raise their children; even if they could meet their children’s basic physical needs, they couldn't effectively teach or counsel them, including how to establish good living habits, high quality of character, optimistic outlooks on life, good interpersonal relationship, etc.
After receiving my Ph.D., I was determined to promote [good] parenting and young children's education. Because I'd just given birth to my eldest, I had yet to have a job. But as soon as I moved to Houston, I organized a parenting discussion forum and the Space City Chinese School (in Clear Lake, Houston area, TX) which later became the Clear Lake Chinese School, and also began writing columns as well. As far back as high school, my writing grades weren't great; in fact, I was afraid of writing, but under the encouragement of Brother Yu Yi-Ping of the Houston Chinese Church, I began to write the "Christian Family Living" column for the church's monthly newsletter]. The selected articles later became the book, Three Generations Together.
Four years later, after my two daughters had grown somewhat, I began to teach at University of Houston/Clear Lake (UHCL). I continue to promote the importance of good parenting and childhood education. Gradually, the community began to emphasis on this area as well, and the government also encouraged research and teacher training programs through federal grants. In the last couple of decades as medical technology advanced, experts were able to use the scientific method to verify the importance of early childhood education, especially the first three years. These three critical years after an infant is birth is [now] considered the most "Critical Period" of human development.
As a Chinese person who has lived in America for a long time and raised two daughters, I've had much time to observe and experience how the clash between cultures affects and challenges the child-rearing process and techniques. Thus, my many years of academic research have placed an emphasis on how cultural differences affect and cause problems to Asian American children’s development. In 1983, I accepted the invitation of the famous worldwide daily newspaper, World Journal [columnist/editor] Ms Wei Wei and began to author the "Overseas Chinese" column for the World Journal's Home and Garden section. For a decade, I addressed topics and gave advice on how to raise Chinese children in America. Because of the great feedback from readers, Crown Magazine Publishing Company in Taipei, Taiwan collected and compiled these column articles into two books: Contemporary Chinese and Global Perspective of Contemporary Chinese. After that, the Overseas Chinese Publishing House in Beijing, China released Cool Motherhood.
Speaking of teaching the next generation, that's actually a very broad topic, as it can include medicine, health, schooling, learning, intellectual development, personality development and so forth. My writing focused primarily on how to facilitate parent-child interaction and inspire the children's development in various areas, especially in habits, character, world views and interpersonal relations so that they can have successful, happy and satisfying lives.
In the 1990s, neuroscience and education [began] focusing on the "critical period" of human growth and development—the first three years. This inspired me to once again advocate the importance of family education for young children. Thus, in 1996 I produced a series of videos that were broadcast through Direct TV. At the same time I also began weekly syndicated column in several newspapers for non-Asian parents in order to help them solve many practical problems concerning disciplining and character building. Currently, several English parenting magazines still publish my old column writings.
Because of the difference in culture and language, I felt a need to write articles on parent-child interactions in Chinese to help Chinese-American parents effectively combining the best virtues of both east and west cultures to raised their offspring without geographical boundary - in America, China, or any other country. With rapid technological advancement and economic growth [around them], Chinese parents often face cultural clashes and unable to decide between traditional or modern ideas while raising and disciplining their children. Thus, in the fall of 1997, the World Journal’s Weekly Magazine began publishing my column "Interactive Parenting". Though these two columns – Overseas Chinese and Interactive Parenting - shared similar goals, there were different contents and emphasis.
The main goal of "Interacting Parenting" column is to explore the challenges encountered by the bilingual and bicultural Chinese parents. It is very difficult to find answers for these challenges or questions in American or Chinese/Taiwanese books or magazines. Even the readers who didn't live in Americas found the column articles to be valuable and able to solve many of their pressing problems. Each article had different topic and different focus: some on children of different ages, some on various challenges, and some on general issues cross the age difference. Basically, [the articles] never deviated from the establishment of good communications and relationships between two, and even three, generations.
Nurturing parent-child relations is a life-long journey that never ends and always has room for improvement. Even though I have researched, taught, and educated young children for many years, I can't call myself a perfect mother. As the children grow, every parent needs to [keep] learning, adjusting, and getting used to new challenges. Effective parent-child relations is especially not easy in this rapidly changing society. Regardless of age, parents need to have an open heart and open mind to raise their children, never insisting on their own views in a close-minded, stubborn manner. When facing problems or challenges, parents need to always remember that each child is a special person, with their own unique needs and personality developments. Parents need to accept and understand [them] in an open manner, and absorb other people's experiences in order to enhance the knowledge and techniques of successful parenting. It’s better to acquire parenting skills even before the child is born.
Although I no longer have the time to write columns due of my current administrative responsibilities, I believe that your decision to read this book shows that you will be a successful parent with good parent-child relations, just as God intended.
Finally, I wish to deeply thank Brother Yu Yi Ping, Ms. Wei Wei, and World Journal’s Weekly Magazine editor Miss Su Wen Ming for offering me the opportunity to explore various aspects of a bilingual, and bicultural life through writing articles.
I would also thank my dear siblings, Shu-min, Shu-ai and Shu-wang, and the feedback and encouragement from my countless readers. I am especially thankful for older sister Shu-min's preface.
My two wonderful grown daughters have been my inspiration to write and research. They continue to inspire my learning and growth.
Written January of 2003
Translated by Mary M. Lin of Orlando, FL
As of July 14, 2012
|
Introduction to Cool Parenting by Esther’s older sister, Shu-min Hsieh.
My Younger Sister Esther By Shu-min Lee Hsieh Esther was born in Gan Su district's Xi Feng city, the second of the family, with an older sister, two younger brothers, and a younger sister. Our father, being a soldier, spent most of his time away from home, leaving my mother to take care of everything without complaint, bearing hard times diligently. They lived in the era where the war was coming to an end, and times were very tough. When mother was pregnant with Esther, food was scarce; she was born weak and often got ill. She constantly suffered from high fevers and convulsions. The doctors, not knowing what to do, would tell my mother: "Forget it, take her home!" over and over again. Mother would only pray in tears. No wonder she would say: "This child was raised by faith." And Esther’s Chinese name (Xin) means faith because of that. In 1949, the whole family emigrated from Mainland China to southern Taiwan. Never a picky eater, Esther loved all sorts of fruits. Once, the two of us went to the end of the alley to buy fruits. Little five year old Esther stared at all the different varieties [on display], but in the end we could only take a couple of cheap bananas home. On the way, she pulled on my skirt and said, indignant: "Sis, when I grow up, I'll marry a fruit vendor, that way we can eat fruit every day." That's Esther, so pure, so direct! Esther has a lot of patience and perseverance. She began learning the piano at eleven, with Mother being her first teacher. At the time, we didn't have our own piano at home, so when Mother taught other children, she didn't charge them tuition under the condition that Esther be allowed to practice piano at their homes. Esther would walk forty minutes to practice piano every day, regardless of weather, keeping the course without feeling it to be a burden. Later, as her skill improved quickly, and got the help of friends in high places as well as famous teachers. She was even able to capture the spirit of composing, and completely dedicated herself to it. The motion of her fingers grasped the melodious realms with such skill that those who listened were deeply touched. She was also good at sight reading; able to pick up entire measures of music at a glance. She began playing for the church at thirteen, and could accompany Handel's Messiah at 14. No wonder she was able to easily receive the all-Taiwan piano competition in college. After Esther graduated from the National Taiwan Normal University, she served for a year, and then went to the United States to study childhood education at the Northern Illinois University, receiving a master's degree there. She continued her education at Purdue University in Indiana and received a Ph.D. at 26. After she married, she became even more competent as a wife and mother, her excellent cooking skills not only pleasing to her husband, but treating her guests to both Eastern and Western desserts. The house’s window treatments and bed sheets as well as her daughters’ clothes, were all sewn by her own hand. She was indeed the perfect professional woman and housewife, teaching, making lectures and studies; then teaching her children to read (both Chinese and English books) and play the piano; keeping her husband company while she prepared her own lessons. She was always multi-tasking - doing two or three things at the same time yet completing them both quickly and well. She never wastes any time, using each moment to its fullest. Our mother, when she was alive, praised her to be: "able in culture and war, with nerves of steel and a poetic heart." Her eldest daughter has graduated from Northwestern University with a Ph.D. in Neuroscience, and her younger daughter received an MBA from Harvard University. What's more, though the children were born in America, they can both speak and write Chinese. They've also won numerous awards in state-wide piano competitions. All of these hard-earned accomplishments are of great comfort to Esther, demonstrating that her hard work was not wasted. Esther deeply loves China and America. In her own busy life, she continues to [take time to] care for the world around her; personally getting involved in the community affairs, applying for all sorts of research grants and participating in grassroots political movements. She also established a Chinese school in the city of Houston and wrote the “Overseas Chinese" column for the World Journal for over a decade, communicating Chinese and American cultures and beliefs, encouraging the Chinese to participate in politics and seize a place and benefits for the Chinese people. In the last couple of years, she also poured herself into encouraging parent-child communications, sharing what she has taught, learned, and experienced on the World Journal – Interacting Parenting column - for her fellow immigrants. Last year (2002) she became the Dean of the Graduate School at Troy State University Montgomery. Because of her busy schedule, she had to take a break from column writing. Yet, she still burns with love for the masses. What I admire about Esther the most is her faith and spirit. Through her faith in God, she boldly goes forward and is willing to take up the responsibility and the burden. She faces all tasks/challenges with full strength, willing to work hard and endure patiently. When she meets obstacles, she is willing to reflect and make improvements. Open-minded, she can both take up responsibility and set it down again. She can see the big picture, and thus is always thankful and joyful. A little bit stubborn, a little bit proud, and yet all the more also humble, that's my younger sister Esther [for you]! Translated by Mary M. Lin of Orlando, FL As of June 25.2012 
Table of Contents Of
Parents Be Cool! Pages Titles 021 Children’s Cool Parents 024 Let Children be Proud of You 027 Parental Modeling is Essential 030 Deciding College Path 033 Story Reading Enhances Kids’ Verbal Communication 036 Are Hectic Extracurricular Activities Worthy? 039 Care of Pets 042 The Don’ts for Communicating with Teens 045 Unwedded Young Mother at Home 048 Handicapped Children 051 Sharing Aesthetic Tastes with Teens 054 Well Behaved Kids also Need Parental Attention 057 When to Leave Kids Home Alone 060 Little Fatty 063 Communicating Different Concept of Time 066 Treasure Godly Given Heritage 069 Equality between Two Genders 072 Relax, New Single Parent 075 Fair Discipline without Being Emotional 078 Parental Pressure 081 Dining Together Enhances Academic Achievement 084 Liberal Arts Colleges 087 Kids’ Dental Appointment 096 Bicultural Person 093 Psychological Readiness for Expectant Parents 096 Irreversible Past 099 Child’s Outlets for Anger 102 Teens’ Sexual Desire 105 Six Principals of Childrearing 108 Helping Children Relax 111 Living-in Adult Children 114 Children Get Hurt 117 Starting a Day Smoothly 119 Four Rules to Induce Good Behavior 122 Respecting Children’s Learning Style 124 Children’s Social Interaction 126 Listen to Your Child’s Feelings 128 Deadly Competition 130 Accepting a Prodigal Child 132 Observation of Your Child 135 Reap What You Sew 137 Non-verbal Communication 139 Uphill Battle 141 Teens in Transition 144 Family’s Overseas Vacations 146 Fishing and Courage 148 Child’s Loss of a Loved One 150 Embarrassed Parents 153 Children’s Choice for Friendship 155 Teen’s Dating Adventures 159 Forming Children’s Reading Habit 162 Preparing Children to an English Speaking World 165 Using Waiting Time 168 Give It Up – One Step at the Time 171 Self Motivated Child 174 “No” with a Reason 177 Reducing Children’s Stress 180 Establishing Children’s Dignity 184 Meeting Strangers 187 Picking Up the Toys 190 Going to Bed without Fuss 193 Lisa’s Rules 196 Following the Trend? 199 Encouraging Children’s Political Sensitivity 202 Ignoring Parents’ Words 205 Self-Competition 208 A Resilient Child 211 Aimless Busyness 214 Rejecting Chinese Dishes 217 Delaying Homework 220 Shopping Guidance for Kids 223 Independent Teens 226 Talking Techniques 229 Continuing Musical Lessons? 232 Child’s Revulsion to Change 235 Teaching Children to Manage Frustration 238 Team Spirit 241 Blessing and Love 244 An Over Complacent Child 247 Diverse Skills Tackling Problems 250 An Adventurous Child 253 Process Is More Important Than Results 256 Enhancing Children’s Motivation 259 Putting Things Away 262 Why a Child Lacks of Responsibility 265 Think First Prior to Actions 267 Doing Household Chores Together 269 Respect a Child Promoting His Sense of Responsibilities 271 A Lousy Job 274 Start Routines Early 276 Developing Children’s Network 278 Train a Good Listener 281 A Perseverant Child 283 Overcoming Shyness 285 Teen’s Part-time Work after School 287 Setting Priorities 290 Tom’s Eight Cats Do Your Children Procrastinate with Homework? (pp. 217-219)
Not only do parents often complain that children are always unable to turn in their homework on time to the detriment of their grades, but the children themselves admit to an inclination towards procrastination and missing deadlines. "Busier" teens especially often need to pull all nighters to complete their assignments. When I ask them the reason, their most common answer is that they often only "realize" they have homework due right before bed time. As a result, not only are the children stressed out the whole night, the parents break out in a cold sweat on their behalf. The first step to overcoming this problem is to find the reason, and then develop good habits (as early as possible), and finally the parents also need to set an example. Basically, a child has three reasons for procrastination:
Should the child display a disinterest or have difficulty with their homework, parents need to provide assistance, not rebuke or cause dejection. Even moral support can help children overcome obstacles, such as providing drinks, forbidding younger siblings from bothering them, or turning off the television or asking the father to turn down the volume, or answering the phone for the children, or taking messages. Even if at times it's obvious that the child failed to plan beforehand and suffered the consequences, it's not appropriate for the parents to add fuel to the fire. At this point the child needs encouragement, not discouragement. Wait until the incident has passed to think about and discuss what went wrong. Lastly, and most importantly, is the example the parents set themselves. If the parents don't have an inclination towards procrastination, then neither will the children. When the children see their parents send out Christmas cards early, finish their taxes before the deadline, clean the house at regular intervals, having dinner or exercising at a set time, and so on, they will develop a "self-regulating" personality, able to handle homework in a timely manner without parents having to worry, be troubled or complain. (2/26/2011) |
內容簡介
本书摘录了110篇亲子交流的 专题短文，共为两大 类：「天下父母心」与「人间子女情」。「天下父母心」收集了现代父母在亲子关係中需要再学习、努力的部份，而「人间子女情」则收录了父母如何有效的与子女 沟通及教导的方法。书中阐述了在孩子们不断的成长过程中，父母也必须跟着一起成长、学习，不管是从心理调整或以行动来表示，才能维持良好的亲子交流关係， 促进家庭和谐。当您愿意跟随李教授所提的方式来做时，您就是孩子心中的酷父母了！ 做父母是天生的角色，但是要做好这份工作，并享有美 好 的亲子关係却需要后天的学习才能充分发展。近年来有关教养子女的中英文书籍甚多，而且不断有新的矛盾理论与研究结论发行刊出，使做父母的对于养育子女的方 法难以取捨，不知如何有效地应付孩子们的个别差异，对症下药。 教育界名人李恕信博士多年来以本身的专业知识在中外报刊杂志登出专文，跨 越 了种族与文化的隔阂，针对不同的环境及情况为父母提供各式有效的亲子辅导，受到各界注目。 本书融合了李恕信博士中西合併的教导理念， 将 东、西方亲子教育的优点结为一体，为父母们在学习增进亲子关係中必备的书籍。 Is It Necessary to Busy Oneself with After-School Activities? (pp. 36-38) (Too Busy with After-School Extracurricular?)
Many parents hope their children could have many talents, not just in the academic domain, but also skilled in other areas such as music, art, and indoor/outdoor sports, or participating in intervarsity activities. And yet these life experiences don't necessarily bring children a happy childhood. Often parents' good intentions result in skewed priorities, causing children's lives to be full of stress, pressure, fuss, and conflicts with the parents. Is it worth it? Think about it. Basically, schooling should be seen as the top priority, because the income of college graduates is about 75% greater than high school graduates. Parents should encourage children to enter and then complete a college education. But not every child can handle multiple fields of study or participate in multiple activities, so parents should help their children decide on what to pick. Aside from school pressure, parents need to understand their children's physical and psychological health. Without a healthy body and spirit, knowledge and wisdom wouldn't easily have a benefit. For example if children are often overly exhausted, sleep and focus deprived will affect their progress. Also, if they are irritable or emotionally unstable, not only does this harm the effectiveness of learning, but also their interpersonal relationships, including the "connections" with friends that they value the most. I very much agree that children should try out all sorts of new things, but it doesn't have to be for the long term. As long as it doesn't affect their schooling or physical or mental health, parents can decide on what sort of after-school activities to choose or abandon based on their child's talents and interests. Especially when it comes to elementary-school aged children, parents often go overboard and offer too many after-school activities. Typical Chinese-American families will have Chinese classes, piano or violin lessons, dance, swimming, exercises and other such activities. During this busy schedule, parents often neglect that children have limited "talents" and interests. How much are parents helping their children develop in a certain direction when they're rushing about and spending money? Does the child have a sensitive hearing or interest for music? In athletic development, can they do simple exercises well? Or are all of these activities just experiences that add frustration and hurt, leaving spiritual and emotional scars on the child? So at the beginning, parents can provide many opportunities, but don't have to "battle" with them to endure to the end, especially when the child is older. Instead, parents can communicate thoroughly with them to decide what after-school activities to pick or keep. First consider the organization of time. So long as it doesn't affect homework, health, or emotional well-being, parents can help children understand their strengths and interests. Sometimes strengths (or talents) and interests coincide; other times, the child has the interest but lacks the ability. At this time the parents should point out that partaking in subjects in which there's only interest but no ability will only be partially effective. Even when the children's strengths (or talents) and interests coincide, and they have a deep and wide talent pool, parents still need to make some choices along with their children according to the time available so ensure that schooling and health are not affected. Other than time considerations, cost is another. For example, if three activities are chosen but there's no way to afford the fees for the second one, then only the first and third are kept, or a fourth cheaper option can be chosen. Though after school activities are viewed as hobbies and interests, but when considering the time and economic constraints, it also helps to analyze them based on correlations with future careers. Middle school students in particular have heavier school and social obligations and have to make better decisions. For example, is attending piano competitions more important than debate class? Is it more important to be the student council president or to take Chinese lessons? Is attending the science club more important than the choir? In summary, parents should discuss and decide with their children according to their needs, interests, and talents in order to maintain a happy family relationship. (2/16/2011) Chasing the Bandwagon (pp. 196-198)
The interviewer asked me about Pokemon toys, and how parents can help their children deal with "pressure" from their peers: when the other children have these toys, it's difficult for their own children to escape from that pressure. And in turn "force" their parents to make the purchase. Actually, aside from toys, there are many other popular products that can create a bandwagon effect and even get the parents caught up in it, especially during the Christmas season where the news will often report on how such and such a toy is very popular and in high demand. As a result some parents will wait in long lines or find "black markets" in order to satisfy the wishes of their children. Sometimes it makes you wonder: is it the children leading their parents by the nose? Or do parents still have "leadership" abilities? It is both reasonable and ethical that parents should still take the leadership role and not be ordered about by their children. One of parents' responsibilities is to be the leader, including when purchasing new items. They should analyze with their children whether or not to make the purchase and not allow the children to be blindly influenced by their peers. Sometimes children refuse to "listen to their elders", only learning a lesson after they've suffered losses. The communication before and after the purchase are the two most important parts of the process so that the children can trust their parents from a young age instead of following along with their friends' whims. Here is an example to establish a child’s trust on parents’ words. A one or two year old child sees the mother cutting up meat and wanting to taste it, throwing a tantrum even when the mother repeatedly tells them that raw meat isn't for eating. If there's no other option, the mother could give her a slice of raw beef so that she immediately learns "mommy's right, raw beef isn't for eating". Having learned the lesson, the child won't unreasonably ask for something, but will be more willing to listen to and consider the parent's explanation. A ten year old complains angrily over why he only got half a cup of hot chocolate. The mother explains that because the weather's cold, a whole cup will cool down quickly after a while. He can get more once he's finished with what he has. That way the child will learn to "communicate" with the mother before he gets mad. Once a communication line is established, it's not difficult for parents to discuss with their children whether to follow the "rad" and buy the latest things that other children have. First, parents can study these new products along with their children, especially high-tech toys such as Pokemon. Parents shouldn't just step aside due to a lack of hi-tech knowledge, but rather they need to overcome any psychological obstacles and try to learn more about it. It's not difficult to find information on the internet to better understand hot products. Once the children know that the parents are very cool and not as dumb as they thought, then they wouldn't try to fool them as much. Instead, they will respect parents’ input. After studying the new product, the parents can analyze the advantages and disadvantages of buying it with their children. Is it worth the money? What are the benefits? Can they be responsible for it? How long can it last? Does it matter if they have it or not? Should the parents decide against the purchase even after the discussion, the children can understand the reasoning even if they don't agree with the parents. And when other children heap on the pressure, they can use the reasons they discussed with the parents to explain or defend themselves. The worst thing for a parent to do is to just say "no" by their authority, thus closing the door for communication. Children often blindly follow in their peer's purchases because they don't know how to handle the pressure, or how to deal with being laughed at and looked down upon. Should parents give the children sufficient analysis and reasoning ahead of time, the children can communicate with and have faith in the parents' decisions and stand firm in the. Then they won't be worried about being different. They can stand against the rush to buy or do other things along with their friends that their parents don't agree with.(2/16/2011) Inspiring the Motivation to Learn in Your Child (pp. 256-258) (Motivating Your Child to Learn)
The main reason that children often don't remember parent's orders, fall behind in certain fields of studies, or are unable to remember teacher's instructions or books they have read is because they are absent minded or inattentive. How can one make the children pay attention and increase the effects of learning? Other than improving the environmental and physical situations, another effective method is to help them understand the motive behind learning, making it easy to spark interest and generating focus, so that they can retain things or information that needs to be remembered. Basically, children need to know the benefits of learning before they could develop an interest and focus on it. Sometimes it's necessary to help them recognize the information relevant to the short- or long-term goals needs to be memorized or learned. And in the process of remembering or learning, many other additional benefits may arise, such as expanding one's horizons or absorbing other knowledge. If the children don't like math, especially the multiplication table, the parents can help them understand the value of it for shopping, so that they'll pay more attention in the future. For example:
Learning Chinese is not the most popular activity for children, but parents can patiently use practical life examples to prove its worth, including the occasional need to communicate "secrets" in Chinese while otherwise in public. Sometimes parents can use experiences of relatives and friends to convince them. For example, a Chinese-American college student went back to China on tour with some classmates. Because he could speak Chinese he didn't need to rely on an English-speaking Chinese tour guide as his classmates did. In addition, bilingual college students have more employment choices than monolingual Americans when it comes to looking for a job. As far as extra-curricular activities go, parents can explain to children that skills in things such as the piano, the violin, water skiing, skiing, diving, ice skating, boating and so forth, can help them become "popular people", because they can discuss and participate in a wide range of activities with others, and unconsciously expand their horizon, life experiences, and social connections. To summarize, if children lack the focus or interest towards certain areas of study, parents should always remind them of the various benefits in order to enhance their motivation for learning. (2/16/2011) |
Author's Foreword I'm a Christian, but by no means perfect. In the years, writing editorials has been my hobby and enjoyment, but that doesn't mean I'm someone without problems or difficulties. All I can say is: I'm a fortunate person, because I have Jesus Christ as the lord of my life, so that I can continue to rely on him in hard or disappointing times and receive strength from Him to overcome the crisis. Though I don't know what challenges lie ahead, but I'm convinced that God will hold my hand to complete my life's journey. First, I'm willing to briefly discuss my experiences and feelings after I went to college. I had graduated from Taipei First Girl's High School, and I was confident that I would make it into Taipei University's department of zoology. But the result of the exams was a shock to me: I had "landed" instead into the Home Economics department of the National Taiwan Teacher's University. After enduring the heartbreak, I had wanted to try again many times, but for some reason I changed my mind and stayed at NTU for four years. My sister, who was studying overseas in America at the time, encouraged me to study nutritional science out of the country, so that I could begin working as soon as I graduated. So in order to get a scholarship, I began selecting relevant courses beyond Home Economics for that purpose. But, life is what happens when you make plans for something else, and the scholarship I got was [still] in Home Economics, and I went to North Illinois University to study. Though studying education didn't have any sort of future, but I thought I could find a long time meal ticket [in a husband], and so I didn't worry too much about what I was studying or what kind of job to get. And yet, after half a year of marriage, I discovered that my husband's PhD was still a ways off, so I [also] applied for a fellowship from the school to continue in my [own] PhD. I was actually not an ambitious person; before finishing my master's degree, my advising professor and my parents all encouraged me to deepen my knowledge, but at the time all I wanted to do was be a housewife, so I decided to wait until after I'd gotten married. Once again, my own plans amounted to very little. Two years into the marriage, an accidental pregnancy brought all of the surprise with none of the joy. At the time, both of us were working on our thesis papers and looking for work, but unfortunately 1971 was a bad year for science and engineering jobs. I sought work as usual, but because I honestly admitted that I was pregnant, I lost the opportunity to be a professor. My grand dreams of finding a job and then touring Europe were gone, and even more than that, the cruel reality of graduating without having a job and the birth of our firstborn gave us even greater emotional and material burdens. Fortunately, we were both children of God, and had faith in him, and so together we relied on Him. In the depths of our despair, God opened a path for us. Like a miracle, the Lodge Company hired my husband without so much as a face-to-face interview. After that, we moved to "the frontier", settling down in Houston, Texas. This matter of looking for work was a lesson in growing our faith, so that we were [more] willing to entrust our future steps into the hands of God. |
Three Generations Foreword by the publisher
The basic unit of the family is our generation, perhaps adding onto our next generation, and even maybe the generation before us. In the family of us Chinese, having three generations living in the same home is not an unusual thing. But how can these three generations get along so that the previous generation can enjoy their twilight years peacefully? How can this generation preserve their love [for one another], negotiate the conflicts between the three generations, so that the family does not become a battleground filled with arguments, chaos and cold shoulders, but instead is a place full of warmth, happiness, love of the Lord, and can be safely rested in and is worth remembering? How can the next generation's body, heart, wisdom, ability, character and spirituality all receive good cultivation and development? This book, "Between Three Generations", deals with these questions, and provides much valuable information; you can [even] say it's a Christian family living handbook. It contains detailed insights to our generation, from making friends and marriage, to taking steps towards nuptials, to post-wedding adjustments, to managing money as a couple, to pastimes…it describes both general guidelines and specific tactics for our next generation on raising then, from even how to deal with young children's bowel movements to their fears, how to talk to them, and how to use parental authority…for our previous generation, it discusses how to deal with generation gaps, the biological needs of the elderly, biases, and how to deal with the relationship between in-laws…and many other exciting articles in the following nine chapters about how three generations can live under the same roof. Carefully read, [one] can grasp the secret to running a family, so that young people can learn how to build their homes, middle-aged people can know how to raise and discipline their children and enjoy one another, and older people can understand how to adjust to their twilight years and live out the end of their lives joyfully. This book's author, Professor Ester Lee Tao, is from a family who loves the Lord, and from youth was influenced by a Christian family background. [She also has] many years of service and participation in the Church, and after her marriage established a happy family with her husband Professor Tao Shi Zan and two daughters. Every chapter in the book is the crystallization of many years of academic research and family life experiences, many of which have [also] previously been published in newspapers such as the World Journal, Central Daily News, and Christian Teaching News etc. This collection of selected works is [both] very valuable and practical, and edited together with the author's own preface, and her mother's introduction "A Mother's Heart", has added icing on the cake. The 180,000-odd words and 73 articles of this book cover three sections: our generation, our next generation, and our previous generation. Starting from love, and ending with personal interests. The author uses the truths of Christianity as canon, her specialized knowledge as a guide, and her family life experiences as a blueprint, to weave together a valuable product using her flowing and passionate writing skills. Young maidens in their chambers, elegant gentleman seeking companionship, young men and women who have fallen in love, couples preparing for marriage, married couples who can't stop arguing, young couples who are becoming parents for the first time, parents who are constantly being tested by their children, older people who are heading into retirement, and grandparents enduring the loneliness of their last years, can all get needed help from this book. Dedicated by Zuo Xiang Ouyang February 1982 from Xiangjiang |
内容提要
美利坚合众国教育部的高级官员，休士顿大学的著名教授李恕信女士，是华人政教圈的风云人物。 她以女性特有的温柔婉约，抒写了婚姻，子女教育，家庭和睦诸多方面与人们息息相关的问题，感情丰富，洞悉入微，寓深邃哲理于生活“琐事”之中，指导你为为适应今日世界在观念与行为上更新。 简介 当家庭的结构给新潮的歪风冲击得支离破碎的时候，我们带着愉悦的心情出版李恕信博士编著的“三代之间”这本书。这是站在基督真理的立场，透过中国文化的观点，融会贯通了西方对婚姻，家庭，育儿和教育等现代化的学术思想编著而成的书，并不是空中楼阁，乃是有实践经验基础的。阅读此书，可使老，中，青三代的读友，和企图了解婚姻，建立基督化的美满家庭的人，都找到一条切实可行的途径。 ------翔 The following introduction for Three Generations Together was by Esther’s mother.
From a Mother's Heart In spring of 1945 I followed my husband and his army [unit] to Sanqiao District in Xiaxi County. We borrowed a civilian's house to live in; the walls and ceiling were dark grey, somewhat unusual [for a house]. In the middle of one night, nine month old Esther suddenly developed a high fever, her face turned to red, her teeth and limbs shook with spasms, and the situation was dire. I woke my elder daughter Shu-min (who was just five [at the time], who slept in the same bed with me, and Wei-shi (who, a helper was eighteen), who slept in the hall. I also tried to find a way to reach my husband, who was with his regiment, but he couldn't return. There was no doctor or medicine; all I had to rely on was my God. I prayed and rubbed her chest, and gradually the child awakened and relaxed. All the neighbors told me: "That house is haunted, but you guys were able to escape difficulty, you must be great people!" Actually, we were simply justified by grace because of believing in the Lord Jesus. Not long after that, we moved into the city. And Esther once again became feverish, red, and convulsive. Without her father at home again, I took her to a hospital by myself. In the waiting room, her convulsions continued, a terrifying sight. The doctor said: "There's no [way to] save this child." It was only by my [incessant] pleading that they told me to gather my funds before I could put her into the hospital. While I was worrying myself sick, all I could do was silently say to God: "I've already lost two children, please don't let me lose this daughter, too. Please give her life; I'm willing to raise her to be a pediatrician." In between disappointment and worries, I continually massaged her chest. All of a sudden she began to sweat excessively, and then the fever gradually faded. The next day, her father hurried to the hospital from his regiment, and got there just as we were joyfully preparing to leave. The doctors, nurses, and other patients were all amazed that this ill child on the verge of death could recover at such a miraculous speed, and for a while the story was told. When Esther was ten, I taught her how to play the piano, in accordance to the Bible: "Play before the Lord, with all your skill." Because she was interested, her progress was rapid. After middle school, I let her learn with some famed teachers; due to the high tuition, the burden was heavy and very difficult. But every time I thought about it, [I felt that] if in later days Esther could serve God with the piano and be used by the Lord [in that manner], then it'd be worth it to make room in the budget. This was especially so in hard times when we often saw God opening the way for us, leading us to overcome the tough times. In the twenty-odd years where Esther first took on being the pianist for the choir, and then accepted the responsibility of the church's music ministry, all thanks to God's care and grace! Though I had high hopes for Esther to grow up to be a pediatrician, due to Taiwan's intensely competitive college exams, I didn't dare hope or force her to test into medical school. In her junior and senior years of high school she continued to learn the piano, and practiced at least two hours every day. I often saw her having fallen asleep on the desk as she studied. I was very worried for her, because she wasn't willing to give up practicing piano at the same time she had to deal with exams; all I could do was ask God to give her health and wisdom. Now I've retired and live at her house, three generations living under one roof. I see how she busied herself as she did before: from the office to the kitchen, from the pen to the broom, from the podium to the meal table, from the bedroom to the yard, from the children's musical staff to the alphabet, from academic studies to practical living...everywhere [she went] she needed to see, act, feel, and if it weren't for God's grace, I don't know how she could get this sort of strength. So whenever I count God's blessing, my heart is full of thanks and praise. Because God has promised: "As your days, so shall your strength be." May God bless this book, and may many people be helped and comforted. Phoebe Chu Lee from Houston March 8, 1981 As of June 22, 2012 |
简介
“现代中国人”以婚姻，子女教育，三代相处，妇女问题等诸多角度，依作者教多元文化教育与发展心理学多年经验，学许多实例故事，探讨现代中国人如何有效吸取西方人之长补我们之短，而不宜一味洋化或顽固持守中国的古老思想，而在行为观念方面作适宜的调整。
“现代中国人”以婚姻，子女教育，三代相处，妇女问题等诸多角度，依作者教多元文化教育与发展心理学多年经验，学许多实例故事，探讨现代中国人如何有效吸取西方人之长补我们之短，而不宜一味洋化或顽固持守中国的古老思想，而在行为观念方面作适宜的调整。
Preface
by Le Zhongjin (樂茞軍)
Chief editor of the Family Edition of the worldwide circulated daily newspaper World Journal
for Dr. Esther Lee Yao’s two books: Contemporary Chinese and Viewing Contemporary Chinese from Global Perspectives in September 1986.
Like many editors and writers, I also first became acquainted with Esther Lee’s writing before I met her in person. It was then that I discovered she was like her writing, an intellectual full of passion for work, with ideals, passion, and ambition.
Esther wrote the “At Home and Overseas” column for World Journal America’s family edition. For six, seven years, she has continually called Chinese-Americans to not only love their own country, but integrate into their host nations’ politics and society—only when deeply embedded into both of those areas can they truly win and strengthen their rights and place [in society], eliminating unfair or discriminatory situations. She herself has demonstrated this [philosophy], acting as one of the leaders of Chinese-American women.
At the same time, she is also a successful housewife. This year, during CAPA, I met her husband, an excellent scientist who is especially supportive and admiring. I believe this is due not just to her husband’s generous spirit and progressive outlook, but the indelible pouring out she’s given to her family. I also met her two daughters, who were born overseas, but can read, write and speak Chinese well. Her oldest daughter even wore self-tailored clothes, and both have excellent scholastic performance. This proves that they have a good mother, [as] children act as a mirror to their parents, reflecting the parents’ good image.
Bit by bit, she wrote her personal experiences on family, society, and work. I often learned concepts helpful to life in reading the articles she sent me. Back home we often thought that living in the US would be one of excitement, one that other people looked up to. But the reality was that many women who have received higher education often live as housewives (or [only] have a part-time job) with exceedingly boring, narrow, lonely, and empty lives, even more so than at home. Ester often mentions her personal experiences in her articles, suggesting how woman can enrich themselves, unlocking higher standards of living. Though she is a professor of specialized knowledge, the contents of her articles are quite practical. Just two days ago I read one of her articles on what a single woman should pay attention to when on a business trip. I discovered that her thoughts were carefully [composed], noting even the smallest of details. Moreover, she often discussed what kind of courage, insight, and charisma a woman needs to participate in politics and social events.
She is a beautiful woman in clean-cut clothes, full of a woman’s meticulousness and rhythm, but she speaks simply, clearly, and in an ordered, logical fashion. [Though her articles were published in a paper we couldn’t [access] in our country, over 80% of the content was not restricted to a particular locale. The situation in America might be different from ours, but the trend of women entering into politics is a global one, as is the concern for one’s beloved surroundings. As for how to be a good wife and mother, isn’t that something every married woman should be learning nonstop?
The topics Esther discusses aren’t restricted to women [either]; you can say she looks at questions through the eyes of a modern Chinese person, questions that every modern Chinese person should care about. I’m very fortunate to be her editor and very glad to [have] talked about her writing and her character. I hope that readers get practical help from her articles.
Taipei, September 1986
内容提要
美利坚合众国教育部的高级官员，休士顿大学的著名教授李恕信女士，是华人政教圈的风云人物。
她以女性特有的温柔婉约，抒写了婚姻，子女教育，家庭和睦诸多方面与人们息息相关的问题，感情丰富，洞悉入微，寓深邃哲理于生活“琐事”之中，指导你为为适应今日世界在观念与行为上更新。
美利坚合众国教育部的高级官员，休士顿大学的著名教授李恕信女士，是华人政教圈的风云人物。
她以女性特有的温柔婉约，抒写了婚姻，子女教育，家庭和睦诸多方面与人们息息相关的问题，感情丰富，洞悉入微，寓深邃哲理于生活“琐事”之中，指导你为为适应今日世界在观念与行为上更新。